Diamonds are a girl's best friend

I'm auditioning for chamber singers!

I miss you guys a lot. Just some things I wanted to tell you:
Zhen - all those car rides, orchestra, Scholars' Bowl, and just being able to laugh
Jai - lunch, Bacon Bits, peeling your oranges, all my candy, I miss you a lot...hope you like Johns Hopkins
Brett - European History, Maritza, lunch, all our conversations in the library, Tomb Raider (you still have to see the second one!!), Scholars' Bowl, car rides, enjoy Chicago. write to me!
Travis - what to say...my favorite crazy person. Miles, orchestra, rides from Charlotte, the A-Team, music festivals and long bus rides, the music office, auditions, back massages and all that jazz.
Sarah - AP Chem (yeah, that was fun), "Question", um, yeah, I didn't read that...Bio, that ecology lab, Al's, driving, Euro, just being my best friend
Tim - my best friend ever, my timmy. I miss you.
Lisa - long, long phone calls, Accel. Bio, long walks, suddenely needing to tie my shoes in front of *ahem* house, your brother

I miss all of you a lot.

This is it. The day I hand in the paper that changes my major. Nervous, scared...I can't stop these feelings that I'm just not good enough.

Who do you think I am? Am I one of those friends who isn't really a friend? I've come to expect it from most people, but not from you. I'm used to being the friend who is there when things are bad, the one to talk to when your upset and then when things start going your way I just kind of fade into the background until something bad happens again. I'm used to that, it doesn't hurt anymore. My friends (with the few exceptions) and my family, it's just normal. But I thought maybe things would be different and once again I was wrong.

I know how to hurt
I know how to heal
I know what to show and what to conceal
I know when to talk
And I know when to touch
No one ever died from wanting too much
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love
People like us know how to survive
There's no point in living if you can't feel alive
We know when to kiss
We know when to kill
If we can't have it all then nobody will
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love
I feel sick, I feel scared
I feel ready and heaven prepare
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
We can take the world apart, my love
The world is not enough, no
Nowhere near enough
The world is not enough

I'm scared. I did most of the paperwork to change my major to bio today. But I haven't turned in that last bit yet and I don't know why. No, I do know. I'm scared to go into medicine, I'm scared to become a doctor. All because of one day, one damn day. It makes me question myself over this. All I ever wanted to be was a doctor then that one day came and I began to question myself. Is this really for me? Am I cut out to be a doctor? And I decided that I wasn't meant to be a doctor. I didn't want to have to relieve that damn day again. But now, here I am. Changing my major to bio next semester, then to Boston next year for pre-med. And here I am again questioning myself. What do i do? Go with what I always wanted to do? Or listen to the voice inside me that says I'm just not good enough?

One hot evening in Padua they carried him up onto the roof and he could look out over the top of the town. There were chimney swifts in the sky. After a while it got dark and the searchlights came out. The others went down and took the bottles with them. He and Luz could hear them below on the balcony. Luz sat on the bed. She was cool and fresh in the hot night.
Luz stayed on night duty for three months. They were glad to let her. When they operated on him she prepared him for the operating table; and they had a joke about friend or emema. He went under the anaesthetic holding tight on to himself so he would not blab about anything during the silly, talky time. After he got on crutches he used to take the temperatures so Luz would not have to get up from the bed. There were only a few patients, and they all knew about it. They all liked Luz. As he walked back along the halls he thought of Luz in his bed.
Before he went back to the front they went into the Duomo and prayed. It was dim and quiet, and there were other people praying. They wanted to get married, but there was not enough time for the banns, and neither of them had birth certificates. They felt as though they were married, but they wanted every one to know about it, and to make it so they could not lose it.
Luz wrote him many letters that he never got until the armistice. Fifteen came in a bunch to the front and he sorted them by the dates and read them all straight through. They were all about the hospital, and how much she loved him and how it was impossible to get along without him and how terrible it was missing him at night.
After the armistice they agreed he should go home to get a job so they might be married. Luz would not come home until he had a good job and could come to New York to meet her. It was understood he would not drink, and he did not want to see his friends or any one in the States. Only to get a job and be married. On the train from Padua to Milan they quarrelled about her not being willing to come home at once. When they had to say good-bye, in the station in Milan, they kissed good-bye, but were not finished with the quarrel. He felt sick about saying good-bye like that.
He went to America on a boat from Genoa. Luz went back to Pordenone to open a hospital. It was lonely and rainy there, and there was a battalion of arditti quartered in the town. Living in the muddy, rainy town in the winter, the major of the battalion made love to Luz, and she had never known Italians before, and finally wrote to the States that theirs had been only a boy and girl affair. She was sorry, and she knew he would probably not be able to understand, but might some day forgive her, and be grateful to her, and she expected, absolutely expected, to be married in the spring. She loved him always, but she realized now it was only a boy and girl love. She hoped he would have a great career, and believed in him absolutely. She knew it was for the best.
The major did not marry her in the spring, or any other time. Luz never got an answer to the letter to Chicago about it. A short time after he contracted gonorrhea from a sales girl in a loop department store while riding in a taxicab through Lincoln Park.

CANCER n. (1) a disease cause by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body, (2) a harmful growth or tumour resulting from such a division of cells, (3) something evil or destructive that is hard to contain or destroy.

sometimes life just isn't fair.

I love gin. So very, very tasty.